How to Make Better Decisions

Decisions, decisions! Some of us have no problem making them, others of us…deer in the headlights is a look, too. How to Make Better Decisions.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GW/BW— I have difficulty making decisions. I guess I’m afraid to make a mistake if I choose too fast, but I’ve been told at work a couple times now to be more decisive. I am a supervisor of a small group and I want to move up. Yesterday, my life partner told me I was wishy washy about something at home too. I’m afraid this will become a pattern if I don’t try to nip in in the bud at this age. I’m 30. Thanks.  — Decisively Timid

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Dear Decisively,

I’m stopping there (no “Timid”!). Decision making is super easy for some of us, while more than just a “timidity” for others. There are many influences to decision making, including genetic ones. Science says we are genetically predisposed to differences in even how we frame things. I have much personal interest in neuroscience but a lot more experience as a human behaviorist and this WellLife Coach says your brain believes what you tell it to (e.g., fake it till you make it). So let’s get you to decide to practice reframing things (of all people, I do not mean positive thinking!, which is as half-effective as seeing everything negatively).

First, you need to stop thinking of yourself as a having difficulty making decisions. Reframe as, “I make sound decisions.” Say this out loud, often. Second, practice considering things in the positive also, when pondering decisions. Here’s a way to start applying reframing in the positive productively.

How to Make Better Decisions: Assuming a This or That decision, on each separately, run the scenarios of how that decision will affect you: 1) immediately (will it solve your dilemma in the short term?); 2) how will it affect you in about a year (run all scenarios on this one decision in that timeframe, including how it affects relationships of those involved); and finally, 3) how will you have lived with this decision in 10 years?

This is a simplification of this process; the art comes in the practice. Try it on the most mundane questions (e.g., should I gas up the car right now? And, Should I make this small (for example, a book) purchase?) first to get the feel for it. Pen, paper and columns are helpful for newbies. I also think you will come to see the vast majority of questions in life are not of the life-changing variety (e.g., should I put my parents in Assisted Living?), but rather somewhere in between.

Reframe for Balanced Decisions,

BW

PS As I wrote this, my daily horoscope pinged in headlined, “Make a definitive choice and stick with it.” Yup. And you will get there, too, Decisively.

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Dear Decisively Timid,

From your question, I would think you are a Freeze ASR Type. This type of person reacts to stress and intense situations by freezing. You are not necessarily standing still, like a deer in the headlights; rather you stop to consider every possible option. The Freeze type sees, almost intuitively, the best-case scenario solution and the worst-case scenario, which usually includes being shunned and humiliated for being wrong. I tell you all this because your perfectionist leanings seem to be the root of your “wishy-washy” behavior.

The best place to start to make a change is to regularly remind yourself that:

1. There is nothing wrong with making a mistake. Mistakes are the prelude to genius. By making a mistake you allow yourself the opportunity to figure out what didn’t work. Mistakes have led to the invention of the telephone and great works of art. Think of mistakes as the fertilizer to brilliance. By making a wrong decision, you have the opportunity to see what worked and what didn’t and then adopt whatever small changes are necessary to get it right.

2. There is no crowd of people waiting to jeer and ridicule you. Mistakes and accidents happen to all humans. If you have people in your life who are literally waiting for you to make a mistake so they can ridicule you, tell these people to get a life. Clearly, they are not paying attention to their own lives very closely if they have all this free time to track each time you make a mistake. These are insecure people that you should NOT be judging your life by. EVERYONE makes mistakes. Allow yourself to be the responsible human who, of course, makes mistakes and learns from them.

Believe in yourself. You have a pretty good idea of what will work and what won’t. Start getting your decision-making on a fast track through practice. Stretch yourself by setting goals for making 2 fast track decisions a day—1 snap decision regarding work and one for home. The truth is, these “snap” decisions will still be carefully weighed by you, but the 5-minute time limit between question and answer will push the internal debate to a faster speed. As you work this decision-making muscle, you will become more confident with how much you already know and how capable you are. Boost your goal by adding another quick decision for work and home each week.

You can also help yourself A LOT by adding fruit-filled snacks to your day between breakfast and lunch and lunch and dinner. Freeze types are very affected by low blood sugar. It can throw off your ability to focus and process information. By adding fruit and nuts, like almonds, between meals you can stabilize blood sugar and decrease the chances of over-eating at main meals, which can make you sluggish and tired. Some foods can even increase your serotonin levels to help you feel more upbeat. This will help quite a bit with your fast track decision-making exercise.

All I can say is, trust that you are capable and you will see yourself acting as a capable decision-maker more often. Remember what Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can or cannot, you are correct.” I think you can, but what really matters is that you do.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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