Sparks! And Happy, Lasting relationships…?

Can you keep the red hot flame, or at least a warm fuzzy glow going in your lasting relationship? Is happy possible in long lasting relationships, even if kids are in the mix? What’s the secret ingredient?  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — What’s the secret to a lasting relationship? — Married with Children

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Dear Married with Children,

That’s an easy one! Right up there with What is the meaning of life?, and What is love? While there might not be one formula because there are so many kinds of “success” when it comes to relationships, I’m going to shout it from the rooftops about the best long-term and flowing/non-rigid ones I’ve witnessed.

#1) Be truthful, be open, be kind – don’t rewind. Staying present in all its aspects is primary to attracting and maintaining strong relationships. #2) It’s important to realize that relationships are cyclical and that wonderful “hot burn” up front doesn’t last as such, nor was the brain designed to sustain it, so this is an evolutionary design, not a flaw of your relationship’s. If you’re lucky, the relationship will go longer so it can go deeper and more meaningful. #3) You don’t have to work hard at relationships – real relationships are work! If yours is totally easy peasy breezy — you’ve got a fling, not a lasting partnership. If you get to go longer and deeper, you will inevitably work through the up and down times, the hard and easy cycles, and the hots and cold of long lasting relationships.

Think of your lasting relationship like your Dream Car you finally were able to attain. Once you buy it, admire it on the driveway, lovingly caress it as you roll down the highway, then comes the maintenance and the everyday, mundane upkeep of any normal, gulp!, average car — then comes that work I was yapping about. Oi. Do it, don’t avoid it. Just as you wouldn’t drive your car into the ground, no gas, no oil, neglect basic maintenance and never wash it until cancerous rust popped up, then wonder why one day, it’s dead on the side of the road, you must do basic (preferably loving) maintenance on your lasting relationship.

Tips for more carefree relationship Oil & Lubes:

• touch each other! Hand holding is touching, too

• better bring (and keep) a sense of humor to the party yikes

• listen to what your partner is really saying and needs; if it’s not verbalized, ask

• don’t confuse your financial or other worldly concerns/woes with your relationship itself

• pick your battles; go green by conserving your energy for the important stuff

• be on each others’ side — a winning team

• don’t put others first (or between you) — even your kids!

• the time you spend apart is as important as the time you spend together. Make sure you keep yourself alive and engaged to remain a fully juicy individual. You’ll bring more to your lasting relationship together.

Most of all: have fun! Be friends. Relationships can keep us happy and alive if we remember how to make play of such important work.

Lotsa love from a lifer,

BW

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Dear Married with Children,

The secret to long-lasting relationship? Patience, patience with a good sense of humor, some compassion and more patience.

I may not be the best person to answer this question, as a happily unmarried divorcée, but I can share what I’ve learned through my journey. For instance, no matter what the to-do list, kids, cars, work, home, family and friends need, make the time in your schedules for regular dates. That’s right, dinners out, a walk in the park or maybe even a movie. The truth is it doesn’t matter if you just go to the café down the street, the point is to get just you two out of the house to talk and connect.

This time is invaluable. It gives you the chance to connect with each other on a regular basis away from “you need to do,” statements. It is the chance to let your spirits realign. To set shared goals and dreams. The point is, if you don’t make the time to connect, you may find that you no longer have anything to talk about but the to do lists. And that is the prelude to relationship disaster.

If money is an issue, start a babysitting co-op with friends. I have a group of friends who take turns watching each other’s kids every Friday, which means 3 out of 4 Fridays is date night—no extra babysitting costs, just date night.

Keeping a relationship strong is about putting time into the relationship. Making an effort to accept your partner as they are—from funky socks in the middle of the floor to that one shirt you’d rather burn than ever see them wear again.  Give love more than criticism. Give an ear, a real ear and listen to what your mate has to say. Really celebrate the good times and be that warm cozy hug when things don’t quite work out the way everyone wanted. It’s not about being Buddah. It’s about being as communicative and supportive as you would with your best friend (ladies) and courting your mate even after 10 years, like you didn’t know if you’d get a second or third date (guys).

BTW, did I mention patience? Oh yeah, and good old-fashioned sex, can only help keep the fires burning. But maybe borrow the Karma Sutra from the library and see if there isn’t something new you can try on.  Meet halfway…

Happy Trails!

GoodWitch

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