You already spend most of your waking life with these people at the office. Now they want you to wh-what?!, hang out with them outside it, too? Is it peer pressure or spirit-scoliosis that’s got you down? — BadWitch
Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…
Dear GWBW — Too much peer pressure at work. I get invited to geeky events I have no interest in but everyone goes to. How do I get out of things nicely without shooting myself in the foot in case I need their help on the job? — To Go or Not Go
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Dear To Go or Not to Go,
Well, my first question is, how do you like your co-workers? Do you think they are “geeky” or are they all right people? My guess is not all the events are horrific life-sucking events. Pick your battles.
If you are interested in pursuing this career choice, and a large number of co-workers in your field are interested in these events, this isn’t just socializing. It’s work research. How your co-workers spend their time will affect your product…or the next products down the line. You have the opportunity to get the inside scoop on the interests, research and influences of the people in your profession. If, say, you are in advertising or software production, such influences are a snap shot of trends coming down the line. Does this mean you need to be at each and every event to get the 411. Of course not, again, pick your battles.
You seem to work at a close-knit workplace. Communing with your co-workers on occasion may also help your standing in the office. By extending relationships beyond the boundaries of the office, you have the opportunity to get to know people on a more personal level. Think Survivor. Alliances are good. Plus, you may just find an inside joke may make your workday just a little more fun. You, of course, need to draw the boundary line of how much extra-curricular tie you spend with your co-workers. I’m suggesting that maybe once a month would not hurt your career path, enjoyment in the office or relationships at work.
That is unless you call them “geeky” to their face. Be nice. If you just take them as they are and attempt to forego judgments, maybe they won’t pass judgments on you. And even if you think you’re perfect and above reproach, know that that idea is fully mockable. Breathe. Set your boundaries and go play once in a while. It won’t hurt.
Good luck,
GoodWitch
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Dear To Go or Not Go,
We Americans are friendly and like to tell others to “Smile!” It’s some sort of national personality marker we are collectively comfortable with. [If you think everyone around the world is like this because how else would you be?, get on a plane and check out what I’m saying, you nice, friendly turista.] When it comes to the workplace rather than personal choice outings, this can be tough on individuals who are naturally shy or just would rather be alone. In the office, as in most of the Real World, balance is usually the best marker to shoot for.
Take a cue from the Wisdom of the Cube. Cubicle walls, that is. Management puts them up for reasons other than just questionable taste and cost/space savings. They were originally meant to give a modicum of privacy while giving peers psychological access to each other (you know, team building), while helping you focus, all towards the company’s work at hand. To me, that sounds exactly like ideal level of sociability you should attempt to achieve at work.
In the office there are two criteria for successfully negotiating social situations: 1) your natural sociability personality, and 2) individual event’s importance to your career climbing. With Number 1, extremes of being totally withdrawn and private, nor a Stage 5 gregarious, outgoing happy neighbor, will serve your best interests. Once you come to terms and then some balance with your natural comfort level (by understanding yourself and then making a commitment to push yourself outside of that box once in a while), you’ll want to learn apply that little extra you (if you’re shy) or a little more toned down (if you’re super social) effort to be a better version of you. Why is pushing yourself to come to balance important if you don’t care about your job? It’s not, but given this economic climate, I assume even the least ambitious worker bee would want to keep their best foot forward to keep their every day on the job as pleasant and easy as possible (in other words, ease and grace help staying employed less of a job).
Then Number 2, where you will have to learn, if you don’t already know, which social invites are purely for personal pleasure and which are meet and greets and/or other career-building opportunities (a key word). Go to the best work ones (they usually have the best food and drink, at the very least!) and pick and choose which personal pleasure ones you care to attend. For those that you still consider “geeky events (you) have no interest in,” also learn how to clearly and nicely state that to your inviters’ faces.
What are you over and done with (maybe groupie (geekster to singers!) clubbing/partying, or even religious-inclined outings)? What environments (people, places, or situations) are you not willing to participate with/in? Identify what does and doesn’t work for you, your values, and state your boundaries clearly , do it with an open and friendly tone. Accepting/rejecting and getting invited to events rarely, ironically, have anything to do with you personally on any valid level…it’s how we spin them that gives them any power over us.
Still…it ain’t all rocket science ,
BadWitch
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