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		<title>Rude Boyfriend = Anger, Mad &amp; You</title>
		<link>http://gw-bw.com/2011/02/10/rude-boyfriend-anger-mad-you/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 10 Feb 2011 16:52:29 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>goodwitchbadwitch</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[Unfortunate take on He said, She said. He just doesn’t believe what she says. Anger dismissed is the new black. Seriously.  — BadWitch Readers Are Spellbound &#38; Perplexed&#8230; Dear GWBW — My otherwise ok fine relationship with my boyfriend goes &#8230; <a href="http://gw-bw.com/2011/02/10/rude-boyfriend-anger-mad-you/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=5129&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/rudeboyfriend-drawsmoustache.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-5136" title="RudeBoyfriend-drawsMoustache" src="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/rudeboyfriend-drawsmoustache.jpg?w=500" alt=""   /></a>Unfortunate take on He said, She said. He just doesn’t believe what she says. Anger dismissed is the new black. Seriously.  <em>— BadWitch</em></p>
<p><strong>Readers Are Spellbound &amp; Perplexed&#8230;</strong></p>
<p><em>Dear GWBW —</em> <em>My otherwise ok fine relationship with my boyfriend goes south whenever I disagree with him and get angry. I don’t think he takes my temper seriously. I’m not having hissy fits like a child, and I don’t have a loud voice that booms like his and I’m not rude, so it’s a joke to him when I’m mad (and usually don’t agree with) at him. Any suggestions?</em> <em>— <strong>High-pitched Whinney</strong></em></p>
<p><em><strong> </strong></em>==</p>
<p>Dear High-pitched Whinney,</p>
<p>Tell the control freak asshole to kiss your ass and move on with your life. If your opinion does not mean enough to him for him to take you seriously, why are you dating him? He wants a yes man, not a thinking girlfriend.</p>
<p>You must be able to express what you want and believe in in a relationship. It should be safe for you to express who you are. And if your control freak boyfriend doesn’t appreciate that you have valuable thoughts, he doesn’t deserve you. Find someone who sees and appreciates who you are and what you have to contribute to the relationship.</p>
<p>This guy only seems to care about how you help him feel good about himself by rubberstamping his decisions. Pardon my French, but that is bullshit. Kick him to the curb. As my mama always said, “I can do bad all by myself.”</p>
<p>Stand up for you now. Later may be too late.</p>
<p>Good luck,</p>
<p><em>GoodWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Dear High-pitched Whinney,</p>
<p>I’m concerned here about what sounds like more than the usual power trip adjusting in a couple working out the day-to-day dynamic. No offense to your relationship, but I want you to stop and consider what its <em>conditions</em> (as in conditional love) mean to your health and wellbeing (self-worth and esteem), and why you are allowing them.</p>
<p>As for your boyfriend, I’m going to go on the assumption that you don’t have anger management issues (which he could conveniently or otherwise interpret as “crying wolf”). Whensomeone important to us doesn’t take a legitimate aspect of our personality and feelings seriously, they are disrespecting who we are as a whole being. As much as you shouldn’t try to “fix” anyone else (taking them on as a challenge or hopeful project), don’t allow someone to try to dismiss or bully your reactions and feelings out of you. You are a sum of these things.</p>
<p>As such, you also have a responsibility (to others but, always, yourself first) to objectively check your emotions and how they are affecting your overall quality of and progress in life. If you really don’t know, or have difficulty being more objective about yourself, ask a professional (<a href="coaching@stillsitting.net" target="_blank">contact me</a> for confidence coaching) or trusted friend or peer who models an overall successfully balanced life you’d like to emulate, to help you get some clarity. Then check again to see who needs to take feelings and emotions more seriously in this relationship — this is not a fight about fighting.</p>
<p>R-E-S-P-E-C-T,</p>
<p><em>BadWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Image: Erin Coronoa</p>
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		<title>Love = Friendship + Lust. Keeping ALL the Home Fires Burning (inspiration)</title>
		<link>http://gw-bw.com/2011/01/28/love-friendship-lust-keeping-all-the-home-fires-burning-inspiration/</link>
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		<pubDate>Fri, 28 Jan 2011 17:08:08 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>goodwitchbadwitch</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[“Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.” ~ Carl Reiner “To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.” ~ David Viscott “Love does not dominate; it cultivates.” &#8211; Johann Wolfgang von Goethe &#8220;Don&#8217;t &#8230; <a href="http://gw-bw.com/2011/01/28/love-friendship-lust-keeping-all-the-home-fires-burning-inspiration/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=5021&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><span style="color:#993300;"><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/blackrose-mariasphoto-com9.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-5022" title="BlackRose-mariasphoto.com" src="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/blackrose-mariasphoto-com9.jpg?w=150&#038;h=125" alt="" width="150" height="125" /></a>“Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.” ~ <strong>Carl Reiner</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">“To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.” ~ <strong>David Viscott</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;"><strong> </strong></span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">“Love does not dominate; it cultivates.” &#8211; <strong>Johann Wolfgang von Goethe</strong></span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">&#8220;Don&#8217;t settle for love of this or that, he or she; that is all so, so small. Stubbornly hold out for love itself — beyond everything.&#8221; <strong>- Bruce Allen, spiritual counselor</strong></span></p>
<p>==</p>
<p><strong><em>Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals. </em></strong></p>
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<p><span style="color:#999999;"><strong><em>Mondays</em></strong><em> money, work, purpose dilemmas. <strong>Thursdays</strong> family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing <strong>questions</strong> on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: </em></span><a href="mailto:coaching@stillsitting.net"><span style="color:#999999;"><strong><em>coaching@stillsitting.net</em></strong></span></a><span style="color:#999999;"><em>. </em></span></p>
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<br />Filed under: <a href='http://gw-bw.com/category/advice/'>Advice</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/category/happiness/'>happiness</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/category/life/'>life</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/category/life-coaching/'>Life coaching</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/category/love/'>love</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/category/relationships/'>relationships</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/category/self-improvement/'>self-improvement</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/category/sex/'>sex</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/category/spirituality/'>spirituality</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/category/wellness/'>wellness</a> Tagged: <a href='http://gw-bw.com/tag/friendship/'>friendship</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/tag/life/'>life</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/tag/love/'>love</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/tag/lust/'>lust</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/tag/relationships/'>relationships</a>, <a href='http://gw-bw.com/tag/skills/'>skills</a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gocomments/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/comments/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/godelicious/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/delicious/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gofacebook/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/facebook/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gotwitter/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/twitter/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/gostumble/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/stumble/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/godigg/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/digg/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/" /></a> <a rel="nofollow" href="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/goreddit/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://feeds.wordpress.com/1.0/reddit/goodwitchbadwitch.wordpress.com/5021/" /></a> <img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=5021&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Love = Friendship + Lust. Keeping ALL the home fires burning (GW)</title>
		<link>http://gw-bw.com/2011/01/26/love-friendship-lust-keeping-all-the-home-fires-burning-gw/</link>
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		<pubDate>Wed, 26 Jan 2011 17:36:31 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>goodwitchbadwitch</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[People can get wrapped up in the “suppose to’s” of love. He’s supposed to call. I’m not supposed to have dinner ready when he gets home. She’s supposed to want to spend Sundays watching football with her mate. Hardly. Love &#8230; <a href="http://gw-bw.com/2011/01/26/love-friendship-lust-keeping-all-the-home-fires-burning-gw/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=5063&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/blackrose-mariasphoto-com11.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-5064" title="BlackRose-mariasphoto.com" src="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/blackrose-mariasphoto-com11.jpg?w=150&#038;h=125" alt="" width="150" height="125" /></a><span style="color:#993300;">People can get wrapped up in the “suppose to’s” of love. He’s supposed to call. I’m not supposed to have dinner ready when he gets home. She’s supposed to want to spend Sundays watching football with her mate. Hardly.</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">Love is living in the present moment. Deadlines for proposals and ultimatums do not a happy relationship make. Be yourself. Remember what it is to have fun with each other. Move away from the to-do lists. Re-spark the friendship, the attraction of that unknown quality in your mate that drew you to them in the first place.</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">Love really does equal friendship and lust. You enjoy laughing with your partner and you enjoy fiddling with your partner then, well, chances are the love you feel will continue to grow and deepen. If either of these qualities become diminished, the attraction diminishes and, frankly, the love stagnates. Once stagnated the day to day “have to’s” and “shoulds” take over.</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">So take your mate out for a night of comedy and wine or beer. Laugh like you have not laughed in years. Then take them home and fiddle in all those enjoyable ways that produce audible sounds of excitement and pleasure.</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">Love= Lust + Friendship. It’s not just fun. </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUYaosyR4bE&amp;ob=av2el" target="_blank"><span style="color:#993300;">It’s Fair</span></a><span style="color:#993300;">. — <em>GoodWitch</em></span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;"><em> </em></span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">==</span></p>
<p><strong><em>Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.</em></strong></p>
<p><strong><em> </em></strong></p>
<p><span style="color:#339966;"><strong><em>Mondays</em></strong><em> money, work, purpose dilemmas. <strong>Thursdays</strong> family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing <strong>questions</strong> on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: </em></span><a href="mailto:coaching@stillsitting.net"><span style="color:#339966;"><strong><em>coaching@stillsitting.net</em></strong></span></a><span style="color:#339966;"><em>. </em></span></p>
<p><em> </em></p>
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<p><em>© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.</em><em> </em></p>
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		<title>Love = Friendship + Lust. Keeping ALL the Home Fires Burning (BW)</title>
		<link>http://gw-bw.com/2011/01/25/love-friendship-lust-keeping-all-the-home-fires-burning-bw/</link>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 25 Jan 2011 16:26:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>goodwitchbadwitch</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Advice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Life coaching]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[love]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[spirituality]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[I’ve previously shared my views of “true love” as a myth in our love-starved society. But I do believe in love and lasting relationships, and strive to infuse all my real relationships (regardless of length or labels) with the qualities &#8230; <a href="http://gw-bw.com/2011/01/25/love-friendship-lust-keeping-all-the-home-fires-burning-bw/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=5024&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/blackrose-mariasphoto-com10.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-5025" title="BlackRose-mariasphoto.com" src="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/blackrose-mariasphoto-com10.jpg?w=150&#038;h=125" alt="" width="150" height="125" /></a><span style="color:#993300;">I’ve previously shared my views of </span><span style="color:#993300;"><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.com/2010/10/07/urban-myth-1-true-love…/" target="_blank">“true love” as a myth </a></span><span style="color:#993300;">in our love-starved society. But I <em>do</em> believe in love and </span><span style="color:#993300;"><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.com/2009/10/29/sparks-and-happy-lasting-relationships/" target="_blank">lasting relationships</a>, </span><span style="color:#993300;">and strive to infuse all my real relationships (regardless of length or labels) with the qualities that make for lasting <em>relating</em>. Today I was asked to talk about keeping all the fires burning. I just couldn&#8217;t stop thinking that people who ask these questions tend to be seeking &#8220;an answer&#8221; or a How To patch, but instead get stuck with hearing a lot of idealized Harlequin Romance hooey about how relationships are supposed to be, which usually serves to make them feel even worse. [Read my smooshier view on love  (second link above) and please indulge me here.]</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">Love that is forged of Friendship + Lust isn’t about the Perfect One, heart-shaped candy or wedding planning gone wild — it takes concentration of steel to actively <em>remember</em> the commitment to it. That sort of love <em>means</em> <em>work</em>. That level of love is deeply satisfying in on-off lukewarm cuddliness to sizzling sexiness, the acceptance of unconditional love and nurturing in the security of buddy-companionship — and simultaneously holds great potential for boredom, situational blindness and eh!, apathy. Repeat beginning of this paragraph.</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">I’m paraphrasing a recent brilliant Diane Sawyer (married to director Mike Leigh for 21 years) comment, “Every marriage (and lasting relationship) is a foreign land. You may enjoy visiting but not want to live in this foreign land, but it works for its inhabitants.” Couldn’t agree more, and against the common “wisdom” that espouses a One Size ideology of what “works” or not in long relationships. Some <em>individual</em> relationships have more sizzle, romance, friendship, or companionship than others, and if they’re truly working (versus stuffed emotions, lazy habits, or excuse-making refuges to hide from not communicating respectfully, or having sex) for its inhabitants then there’s no “wrong way” to how yours works <em>for you</em>.</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">Dynamics can be a tricky thing. Remember not to check your baggage, because if you can’t hand carry it, it’s way more crap than you need to bring on this trip. Relationships are comprised of individuals who can <em>always</em> stand improvement, and that’s where to focus how to keep all your own fires burning. </span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">Love that love. — <em>BadWitch</em></span></p>
<p>==</p>
<p><strong><em>Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals. </em></strong></p>
<p><strong><em> </em></strong></p>
<p><span style="color:#999999;"><strong><em>Mondays</em></strong><em> money, work, purpose dilemmas. <strong>Thursdays</strong> family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing <strong>questions</strong> on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: </em></span><a href="mailto:coaching@stillsitting.net"><span style="color:#999999;"><strong><em>coaching@stillsitting.net</em></strong></span></a><span style="color:#999999;"><em>. </em></span></p>
<p><em> </em></p>
<p><em> </em></p>
<p><em>© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.</em></p>
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		<title>Speak Up! Affect Change (GW)</title>
		<link>http://gw-bw.com/2010/12/08/speak-up-affect-change-gw/</link>
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		<pubDate>Wed, 08 Dec 2010 16:57:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>goodwitchbadwitch</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Advice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[de-stress]]></category>
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		<category><![CDATA[speaking up]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[I give the best advice. Ask anyone. But the other night when I had to apply my advice to my own life and a new relationship, I stuttered, mumbled and finally, driven insane by my own over-editing mind, I blurt &#8230; <a href="http://gw-bw.com/2010/12/08/speak-up-affect-change-gw/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=4671&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/blackrose-mariasphoto-com3.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-4674" title="BlackRose-mariasphoto.com" src="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/blackrose-mariasphoto-com3.jpg?w=150&#038;h=125" alt="" width="150" height="125" /></a><span style="color:#993300;">I give the best advice. Ask anyone. But the other night when I had to apply my advice to my own life and a new relationship, I stuttered, mumbled and finally, driven insane by my own over-editing mind, I blurt out, “Why am I so shy with you!” Now, in fact, that was not an I want statement. It was not some clear concise, brilliant rambling that would turn a man to jelly in my arms. But it was the truth. And in blurting out that truth, I felt better. Like some cat was finally let out of the bag.</span></p>
<p><span style="color:#993300;">The cat was let out of the bag. Parameters of relationship discussed and a finally “Whew! What a relief” swept over me. Truth was discussed. How I felt. How he felt. Things aligned and clarity was brought into view. Sometimes speaking up is not some declarative statement, “I need…” “I want…” because sometimes you don’t fully know what you need or want, just that something is not right. Something was not working for me—my entire communications system, apparently—and I blurted the truth of how I felt in the moment. Expressing one truth can open the door and beyond that freedom. Embrace it. Speak up and be bold—even in a blurt.  — <em>GoodWitch</em></span></p>
<p><em>==</em></p>
<p><strong><em>Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals. </em></strong></p>
<p><strong><em> </em></strong></p>
<p><span style="color:#888888;"><strong><em>Mondays</em></strong><em> money, work, purpose dilemmas. <strong>Thursdays</strong> family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing <strong>questions</strong> on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: </em><a href="mailto:coaching@stillsitting.net"><strong><em>coaching@stillsitting.net</em></strong></a><em>. </em></span></p>
<p><em> </em></p>
<p><em> </em></p>
<p><em>© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.</em></p>
<p><em><br />
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		<title>Addicted to Love: Buffy the Slayer&#8230;of Exes</title>
		<link>http://gw-bw.com/2010/11/18/addicted-to-love-buffy-the-slayer-of-exes/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 18 Nov 2010 17:37:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>goodwitchbadwitch</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[Just as old music videos and TV series hold a fun and retro charm, they’re not reflective entertainment of who you are today. Not toying with people’s hearts, either.  — BadWitch Readers Are Spellbound &#38; Perplexed&#8230; Dear GWBW — In &#8230; <a href="http://gw-bw.com/2010/11/18/addicted-to-love-buffy-the-slayer-of-exes/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=4470&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/valentines-buffy-sarah-michelle-gellar-thumb.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-4471" title="valentines-buffy-sarah-michelle-gellar-thumb" src="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/valentines-buffy-sarah-michelle-gellar-thumb.jpg?w=500" alt=""   /></a>Just as old music videos and TV series hold a fun and retro charm, they’re not reflective entertainment of who you are today. Not toying with people’s hearts, either.  <em>— BadWitch</em></p>
<p><strong>Readers Are Spellbound &amp; Perplexed&#8230;</strong></p>
<p><em>Dear GWBW — </em><em>In college I was engaged to this guy. Then I decided I was way too young to be that serious and broke it off with him as nicely as I knew how, but he was still heartbroken and took a long time to get over me. Well he just showed up again 7 years later, I was stupidly weak, between boyfriends and started it up again. I guess I just felt lonely and this was there, so easy. Now I&#8217; totally regretting this. How do I break up with this nice guy again? —<strong>Guilty Feet</strong></em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Dear Guilty Feet,</p>
<p>Honey, you need to buy a vowel and solve the puzzle of what you want in relationships — and stop using other people as convenience appliances for your amusement. It’s clear your ex-/current/ex-/current b/f is not like me, because I’d never allow someone to push and pull me as you have him over the years, so it’s very likely he won’t appreciate my answer any more than I expect you will. Yet, I manage to continue. Very simply: you both will benefit from identifying and acknowledging that whatever it was that was so great back in the day is over (developmentally), and if it is not, it’s <em>still not</em> the same warm-fuzzy relationship you had as kids because you’re not the same people today. Seven years completes one cycle of personal growth and living (if nothing else, <em>physically</em> you don’t have the same hair, skin or…heart!). Move on, both of you. This hanging on, fall-back default is not a healthy way to have relationships (for different yet co-dependent reasons of both of you), and hey, Guilty Feet?, you will benefit from working on getting over your need for blind adoration. That will be the best thing you can do for this “nice guy” once and for all.</p>
<p>Time for a new dance,</p>
<p><em>BadWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Dear Guilty Feet,</p>
<p>Well, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YoYjqf9llM" target="_blank">it’s complicated</a>. First thing I’m going to say is, “STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!” You said you would date the guy again, not commit to bearing his children. You tried again, admirable. You had the courage to see if there was something still there. Now you know there is an end date. Don’t blame yourself because this is not a long-term relationship. Take a deep breath and figure out <a href="http://www.wellsphere.com/relationships-sex-article/how-to-break-up-with-a-nice-guy/787494" target="_blank">how to let him down easy</a>.</p>
<p>Realize that he may be a nice guy, but don’t allow yourself to be manipulated into staying in the relationship. Verbal abuse and emotional manipulation that make you responsible for his happiness is just not ok.  He is a grown man who must learn to deal with disappointment—whether in relationships, career or other situations. That is life.</p>
<p>Your job is to be sure to be compassionate. You two have a relationship and history, which does not mean that just because your romantic relationship is ending all communications and friendship has to end with it. Be honest and straight-forward and communicate your intent to end the <a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.com/2010/06/11/the-break-up-hurt-feelings-included/" target="_blank">romantic portion of your relationship</a>.</p>
<p>Let him know that he is a good person. Let him know that you do not like disappointing him and that although some of the hurt may be inevitable, there is light at the other side of this juncture. Compassion is king. Here are some tips on how to do the break up thing, but really first forgive yourself for the last time. Doing what is right for you will sometimes leave others with hurt feelings. It is inevitable. You cannot make everyone happy all the time. Forgive yourself, be truthful with him and do what has to be done before the infection of resentment sinks in.</p>
<p>The truth will set you free,</p>
<p><em>GoodWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p><strong><em>Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.</em></strong></p>
<p><strong><em> </em></strong></p>
<p><span style="color:#339966;"><strong><em>Mondays</em></strong><em> money, work, purpose dilemmas. <strong>Thursdays</strong> family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing <strong>questions</strong> on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: </em><a href="mailto:coaching@stillsitting.net"><strong><em>coaching@stillsitting.net</em></strong></a><em>. </em></span></p>
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		<title>Dating Chat, Scared Bambi</title>
		<link>http://gw-bw.com/2010/10/28/dating-chat-scared-bambi/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 28 Oct 2010 16:05:45 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>goodwitchbadwitch</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[When easy peasy natural chat reveals attraction and real date interest, deer in headlights syndrome can ensue. Dimming those high beams and safely crossing the road to fun.  — BadWitch Readers Are Spellbound &#38; Perplexed&#8230; Dear GWBW — This is &#8230; <a href="http://gw-bw.com/2010/10/28/dating-chat-scared-bambi/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=4215&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/headlights-deer.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-4216" title="headlights-deer" src="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/headlights-deer.jpg?w=500" alt=""   /></a>When easy peasy natural chat reveals attraction and real date interest, deer in headlights syndrome can ensue. Dimming those high beams and safely crossing the road to fun.  <em>— BadWitch</em></p>
<p><strong>Readers Are Spellbound &amp; Perplexed&#8230;</strong></p>
<p><em>Dear GWBW — </em>This is a dating question I think. When I meet new guys, I’m really relaxed and friendly and they ask me out because I’m pretty. My problem is I freeze up with the ones I really like when I realize its now a date kind of thing, and not just a chat up about nothing. Giveme some advice on how to relax and not change myself when I’m dating and not just being friends.<em> — <strong>Dating Doe</strong></em><strong> </strong></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Dear Dating Doe,</p>
<p>I think you’re onto something subconsciously because I’m not sure this is strictly a dating question, either. Do you feel like you have performance anxiety around other situations you assign importance to, like presentations or public speaking, or maybe tests if you’re still in school? Don’t just blow it off with an easy ‘no’ because your mind is primarily on the dating. Think about it and look for any patterns you may have.</p>
<p>When and if you do identify that you place more value over some situations than similar but less formal others (i.e, you are an A or B student at a subject but test at B- or C level frequently), then you could benefit from learning to let go of perfectionism and start practicing going with the flow and even — gulp! — “failing” a few times. Get the feel for Nike-ing it more often in life, and release yourself from the pressure of reacting like you have to turn in opening night-level Broadway performances all the time. Don’t stall (or reject) yourself when you realize you’re standing in the starting gate. If you feel you are likable and fun when you’re not trying to impress a guy, then try not impressing the next few, and pretend you’re chatting up an old familiar friend. This works equally well for tests, work presentations and public speaking, but you have to practice being yourself. To be comfortable in your own skin, <a href="http://stillsitting.net/ASR_Types.html" target="_blank">you have to understand before you can own who you are</a>.</p>
<p>Buddha say Relax,</p>
<p><em>BadWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Dear Dating Doe,</p>
<p>OMG! That’s so cute!</p>
<p>OK, I totally get it, but why is it you know you are pretty, have a good rapport with guys in general and freak when you like them. Why would you suddenly decide you need to change who you are or act differently just to be liked? Here’s the deal, when you are just feeling friends with a guy you have no issues, right? You feel like you can be yourself and comfortable, because the balance of power feels even.</p>
<p>Now, then you decide you like a guy, seem to shift all the power over to him and then freak yourself out trying to be the kind of girl he will like. WHAT? He already likes you cause you were that cute, confident girls. Be yourself. That is what will attract him to you. But more importantly, take some time to check him out. Does he have what it takes to hang with you? Does he appreciate your sense of humor (key), your quirkiness and your goofy side? Realize that he must. If your relationship is going to make it past the first couple of dates, you have to be honestly yourself with him.</p>
<p>Take a deep breath. Realize he may not be the one, but he has a lot to teach you about being you in relationships. Decide to trust yourself enough to know you have an infinite amount of appeal by just being you. Then make the decision to trust him with seeing the whole you. That is the scary part. You must trust that this guy will see you and remain a gentleman. You must trust that he will not make you feel bad about who you are. But you know what? Even if he does, you are blessed! Because now you know this dude isn’t worth the time of day. You can kick him to the curb and keep rolling.</p>
<p>You have much to offer and by your question, I say at least part of you knows that. Let that part lead in this new world. Challenge yourself to show up for yourself like never before. Let yourself by seen so you can finally feel like you are a fully known quantity in a relationship. It will be freeing. It will be magnificent. It will be you, showing up as you for you.</p>
<p><strong>Mantra:</strong> <em>I’m good enough. I’m smart enough and I am awesome just as I am. I will be me for me, so that I can feel comfortable and seen in all my relationships. I will not hide to be liked. I am liked because I am free to be me.</em></p>
<p>Deep breath. Remember you rock. Now go,</p>
<p><em>GoodWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p><strong><em>Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals. </em></strong></p>
<p><strong><em> </em></strong></p>
<p><strong><em><span style="color:#339966;">Mondays</span></em></strong><em><span style="color:#339966;"> money, work, purpose dilemmas. </span><strong><span style="color:#339966;">Thursdays</span></strong><span style="color:#339966;"> family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing </span><strong><span style="color:#339966;">questions</span></strong><span style="color:#339966;"> on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: </span></em><a href="mailto:coaching@stillsitting.net"><strong><em><span style="color:#339966;">coaching@stillsitting.net</span></em></strong></a><em><span style="color:#339966;">. </span></em></p>
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		<title>Texts, Dating &amp; Making You Wait</title>
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		<pubDate>Tue, 28 Sep 2010 17:50:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>goodwitchbadwitch</dc:creator>
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		<description><![CDATA[I’m updating ‘Sex, Lies &#38; Videotape’ because that women-men connection thing has always been shaky.What’s the dating etiquette around texting, again? If it weren’t for that new toughie, dating would be so much easier. Guys that make you go Hold.  &#8230; <a href="http://gw-bw.com/2010/09/28/texts-dating-making-you-wait/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=4113&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/texting-not-dating-girl1.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-full wp-image-4118" title="texting-not-dating-girl" src="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/texting-not-dating-girl1.jpg?w=500" alt=""   /></a>I’m updating ‘Sex, Lies &amp; Videotape’ because that women-men connection thing has always been shaky.What’s the dating etiquette around texting, again? If it weren’t for that new toughie, dating would be so much easier. Guys that make you go <em>Hold</em>.  <em>— BadWitch</em></p>
<p><strong>Readers Are Spellbound &amp; Perplexed&#8230;</strong></p>
<p><em>Dear GWBW — </em>I went on a date with this great guy. I know we shouldn’t have, but we slept together on the first date. Now he only texts me. I like him, what do I do? <em>— <strong>Sex Before</strong> <strong>Texting</strong></em><strong> </strong></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Dear Sex Before Texting,</p>
<p>LOL, this is sadly super common these days. As if dating weren’t hard enough, now the faceless ability to be potentially shady is thrown in the mix. I don&#8217;t know if you&#8217;re 20 or 50, but who hasn’t experienced being misunderstood in a full email with a good acquaintance, never mind texting a newbie? It&#8217;d be easy to say don’t text, but It’s Complicated is closer to useful.</p>
<p>What’s a gal to do? When it comes to dating and all things romantically social, there’s so much conflicting advice out there raging from the throwback Harlequin-leaning <em><a href="http://www.therulesbook.com/" target="_blank">The Rules</a></em> to the more balanced look of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Dating-Dummies-Joy-Browne/dp/0471768707/ref=sr_1_12?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1285610311&amp;sr=1-12" target="_blank">Dating For Dummies</a></em>. I am not endorsing a book I never finished reading (uh, and that’s all three of these titles), but I like the basic truth-telling message of <em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/141690977X/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1285612795&amp;sr=8-1 )" target="_blank">He’s Just Not That Into You</a></em><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/141690977X/ref=sr_1_1?s=gateway&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1285612795&amp;sr=8-1 )" target="_blank"> </a>. So nach, the way I see it is that the flood of dating titles on book shelves and online reflects the tendency of so many women to spend a whole lot of time thinking about any man (some of that’s natural, some unhealthy). I would like more of us to start thinking more often of ourselves. When you work on knowing yourself, you’ll start to understand your true needs (sex included), and suddenly you’re attracting the situations and people who most tend to support those needs (and values they’re based on), until that day when you start meeting your own most basic (then beyond) needs, instead of giving away that power to a guy who might have only ever been meant to be a good hang out time. Then when some asshole texts you a “Not in mkt 2 buy cow”-equivalent, it’ll be because you’re a live stock trader. And if you’re not, then you can Delete his contact quick style and move on…To your next night out where you will have gained the ability to faster identify his bromancing, man-code abiding, man cave-dwelling brahs, and avoid any behavior (you brought up sex on the first date, and BTW my forte is not moralizing, but do be safe) that doesn’t seem to have worked/be working for you and contributes to being treated in a way you don’t appreciate.</p>
<p>OK now I’m good whew! — yet I know <em>you</em> still like this cool fool. So go ahead and <em>call</em> him, see if he’s more than that. Actually <em>talking</em> will up your chances of better assessing his intentions (with <em>you</em> specifically) and character by how that conversation, or (chronically un-)returned voice mail goes. If you continue to get his VM, I personally wouldn’t call more than once a week and for no more than two weeks before moving on. If your phone chat is (actually; do not make excuses or rationalize on his behalf) a good start, then keep <em>talking</em> and grow the larger convo. Ladies, I love men and hubster knows I’m even friendly with some exes. One of the reasons I’m so partial to them is because they are simple creatures who basically say (and act) what they mean. I’m saying, no need to waste your precious life force endlessly scrutinizing, over-analyzing, hypothesizing and then making bat crap up about “what he really means” — 99% of the time, they just told you, but you have to shut up your mind chatter to fully listen much less hear. Towards getting to &#8220;meet your own needs,&#8221; date texting-only is a rocky road.</p>
<p>Expect men to actually talk to you, not text — except to confirm dates, plural — so you can have fun as much as cut the thread on the ones that aren&#8217;t ready to handle the bright light that is your once-in-a-lifetime uniqueness.</p>
<p>TTYL,</p>
<p><em>BadWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p><strong><em>(Call me an Old Fogie, but the following advice is intended for those 18 yrs or older. Frankly, if you’re under 18, whether or not to have sex can have a myriad of other consequences I am not getting into here, from reputation and emotional trauma to disease and pregnancy. Doesn’t mean you can’t read it. Just means you should know I am not taking in the factors of high school.)</em></strong></p>
<p><strong><em> </em></strong></p>
<p>Dear Texting,</p>
<p>Ah, young love. What is there to do? Stop, reassess where you are and what you want out of this relationship and take back your power!</p>
<p>For starters, what is this “not suppose to”? ‘Kay, true my sexual history has more in common with SATC <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Samantha_Jones_%28Sex_and_the_City%29" target="_blank">Samantha Jones</a>, than <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGLxJRq-jIY" target="_blank">Sandra Dee</a>, but come on, what year are we living in? You met him. You liked him. Clearly, there was chemistry and you let that take you forward on what I am hoping for you was a fiery, festive good time. Where do you hope to take this relationship? Decide. Then act.</p>
<p>If you are already planning the wedding—STOP! The idea is to get to know someone, not predetermine the course of your relationship. Get to know him, biblically and personally if that is what you want to do. But be clear about what you are hoping/ looking for first. Then act appropriately. If you’re in it for fun, but need some human connection to fuel that (which I think is quite valid considering how women are wired), then text, phone or date should be fine as long as there is real communication afoot.</p>
<p>If you are seeking the future father of your kids, again, STOP!!! Not enough date time to see if there is connection and if he cannot connect as you would like him to, thank him for making that known now. And thank yourself for being clear with what you are looking for —for yourself. Maybe you don’t want to be the first date girl. But you have to know who you are and what you want, not what society has said you should or shouldn’t do.</p>
<p>If you are going along with this text only relationship either some part of you thinks you must acquiesce in order <a href="http://survivingdating.com/why-weak-men-want-submissive-women" target="_blank">to keep your man</a>—uh, he’s not your man. Yuck. If, however, you are holding onto some rule that he must call you—Gossip Girl dating tips—but you want to actually talk to him, either say it on your next get together or dial the phone. Now, don’t go calling in high emo-mode looking <a href="http://open.salon.com/blog/idahospud44/2009/01/13/we_need_to_talk_the_scariest_words_known_to_man" target="_blank">“To Talk.”</a>. If your interest is connecting then call and connect. Laugh, talk, find out about each other’s day. If you are looking for connection beyond the phone, make it by putting yourself (that’s the vulnerable heart/personality not the body) out there.</p>
<p>Personally, as a writer, I love texting. It is like foreplay—all wit and factoids. I get to see if I’m dealing with someone who can spell and understands punctuation. OK, geeking out, but that stuff matters to me. Now, if you are <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sexting" target="_blank">sexting</a>, clearly you are uncomfortable with this physically focused relationship. Stop It! Keep the texts about you the vibrant person, not your boobs or what you’d like to do with them.</p>
<p>I guess what I’m saying is, your boy is still communicating with you. Decide how to use that as a means to connect in a personal way so that you can connect personally with each other—beyond the physical. After all, at this stage of a relationship, that’s all you can really hope for. Getting to know each other and finding connection and joy.</p>
<p>Happy Connecting,</p>
<p><em>GoodWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p><strong><em>Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.</em></strong></p>
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		<title>Cheating Boyfriend, Third Wheel Jealousy</title>
		<link>http://gw-bw.com/2010/07/29/cheating-boyfriend-third-wheel-jealousy/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 29 Jul 2010 16:29:05 +0000</pubDate>
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		<description><![CDATA[This is IT. GWBW is taking a break all August. Please RSS or EM subscribe now. SEE YOU BACK HERE MON, SEPT 13 — that&#8217;s a new date. Not all coffee and emails are created equally. How to tell if &#8230; <a href="http://gw-bw.com/2010/07/29/cheating-boyfriend-third-wheel-jealousy/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=3979&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/third-wheel-motorcycle.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-3980" title="third-wheel-motorcycle" src="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/third-wheel-motorcycle.jpg?w=245&#038;h=300" alt="" width="245" height="300" /></a></p>
<p><strong><em>This is IT. GWBW is taking a break all August. Please RSS or EM subscribe now.</em> </strong><span style="text-decoration:underline;"><strong><span style="color:#ff6600;">SEE YOU BACK HERE MON, SEPT 13 <span style="color:#000000;"><em>— that&#8217;s a new date.</em></span></span></strong></span></p>
<p>Not all coffee and emails are created equally. How to tell if you’re a wronged third wheel or worrying needlessly.      <em>— BadWitch</em></p>
<p><strong>Readers Are Spellbound &amp; Perplexed&#8230;</strong></p>
<p><em>Dear GWBW — </em>Do you two consider coffee and emailing an ex- cheating on a current? My partner says I have nothing to worry about, but an ex- found him at a social and they’ve been chatting ever since, and I seriously think they met for the coffee they kept talking about. I’m trying not to be jealous but he complained about me to this guy! WTF? <em> — <strong>Third Wheel</strong></em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Dear Third Wheel,</p>
<p>If both of you are under the impression you’re in a committed exclusive relationship at the same time, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to know, and if your partner treats you as an equal, then you shouldn’t be left out of (the understanding about) this supposedly innocent coffee. I think your instincts are right about the complaining, unless he’s a total gossip (and maybe he is) — why is he seeing this person he’s supposedly done with and whom he still has complaints? Something sounds cheesy in Danish land. Danger, Will Robinson!</p>
<p>Ask and don’t worry about sounding jealous. Being reasonable is being responsible to yourself, Wheelie.</p>
<p>No lumps,</p>
<p><em>BadWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Dear Third Wheel,</p>
<p>Don’t put yourself in the outsider looking in position. You are the current and the ex is the ex. First and foremost keep your positioning straight in your head. This is not the time to come off like the jealous mate who’s ready to assume the position of second fiddle. First and foremost believe in you and that no one has the ability to take away what is yours. Remember, if it flies away of its own accord, you can do better.</p>
<p>Now, it could be that the ex is just moving into the realm of friend. I currently have two exes on my Facebook. Of course, there are other exes who did not get friended—despite the messages—because, well, the vibe was not right. Before you hit freak-out that there is an ex on the screen, make sure the vibe has actually crossed into something beyond friendship. Coffee does not necessarily mean the line has been crossed.</p>
<p>Now, how do you know you’ve been complained about? I mean, was this some kind of public wall post (which would have its own comments regarding propriety)? Or have you been peeking in message folders and email? Be sure before you defend reasonable boundaries of your relationship, you are respecting reasonable boundaries of privacy. That being said, I guess I wonder at what was said. Is it a light jab at your cooking or actual complaints about deal breaking issues that are better left out of convos with exes? Either way, if you are uncomfortable with your relationship particulars being on the table for conversation, tell your partner. Honest communication will do best. Of course, if there is some illegal search and seizure involved in the acquisition of this information, be prepared to deal with the backlash.</p>
<p>All I can suggest is honest communication. Speak up where you feel uncomfortable. Ask for what you want. But remember, if you are doing some jealous shrew act rather than the trusting and trustworthy (to not invade privacy) partner, you have more issues to discuss.</p>
<p>If you feel uncomfortable, ask. Ask about the relationship. Ask about the new found friendship, what broke them up and what feels good about friending this person now. Don’t ask like a jealous partner. Ask like an interested partner. “I noticed you friended…” Let your partner know that you are interested by who is let into the Facebook inner circle and why.</p>
<p>I know why my exes are there. One is funny as hell and his day-to-day is more interesting then most peoples super happy incredible moments. The other is brilliant, seriously. He rarely posts but each one makes you think. My guess, is your partner knows why this person is back on the wallposts. Don’t fret in silence. Ask for the whys.</p>
<p>Fret less, know more,</p>
<p><em>GoodWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Image: <a href="http://www.myconfinedspace.com/2009/08/22/third-wheel-motorcycle/third-wheel-motorcycle-2/" target="_blank">Third Wheel</a></p>
<p><strong><em>Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals. </em></strong></p>
<p><strong><em> </em></strong></p>
<p><strong><em><span style="color:#339966;">Mondays</span></em></strong><em><span style="color:#339966;"> money, work, purpose dilemmas. </span><strong><span style="color:#339966;">Thursdays</span></strong><span style="color:#339966;"> family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing </span><strong><span style="color:#339966;">questions</span></strong><span style="color:#339966;"> on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: </span></em><a href="mailto:coaching@stillsitting.net"><strong><em><span style="color:#339966;">coaching@stillsitting.net</span></em></strong></a><em><span style="color:#339966;">. </span></em></p>
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		<title>Best Relationship, For Love or Money?</title>
		<link>http://gw-bw.com/2010/07/22/best-relationship-for-love-or-money/</link>
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		<pubDate>Thu, 22 Jul 2010 15:37:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>goodwitchbadwitch</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[de-stress]]></category>
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		<description><![CDATA[A classic question. Difficult for some: love or money? How do you live with your consequences chosen?      — BadWitch We’ll be gone all August. Please RSS or EM subscribe now Readers Are Spellbound &#38; Perplexed&#8230; Dear GWBW — Love or &#8230; <a href="http://gw-bw.com/2010/07/22/best-relationship-for-love-or-money/">Continue reading <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a><img alt="" border="0" src="http://stats.wordpress.com/b.gif?host=gw-bw.com&amp;blog=6588996&amp;post=3961&amp;subd=goodwitchbadwitch&amp;ref=&amp;feed=1" width="1" height="1" />]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/love-or-money.jpg"><img class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-3962" title="Love.or.money" src="http://goodwitchbadwitch.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/love-or-money.jpg?w=300&#038;h=274" alt="" width="300" height="274" /></a>A classic question. Difficult for some: love or money? How do you live with your consequences chosen?      <em>— BadWitch</em></p>
<p><em><span style="color:#339966;"><strong>We’ll be gone all August. Please RSS or EM subscribe now</strong></span></em></p>
<p><strong>Readers Are Spellbound &amp; Perplexed&#8230;</strong></p>
<p><em>Dear GWBW — </em>Love or money?  <em>— <strong>Undecided Voter</strong></em><strong> </strong></p>
<p>==</p>
<p>Dear Undecided Voter,</p>
<p>Love or money? Which one keeps you warm at night? Sure, money gives you peace of mind—knowing bills are paid. But love has the potential of lifting you up beyond everyday life and drama. Can you tell where I fall on the continuum?</p>
<p>In actuality I would fall in the middle…okay, a little to the Love Left. See money without love—the far right— represents Ebeneezer Scrooge in my mind. The place where money matters more than relationships. Relationships become expendable, the spirit wilts while the wallet thickens.</p>
<p>Too far to the Love Left and it represents the bankrupting of self for love of another. The ungrounded, co-dependant cycle of living for and by outside approval, leaving the self on a shelf with a “For Sale For Love” sign. It is the willingness to ignore the needs of self for the needs of another.</p>
<p>But the middle offers balance. It is the place where the needs of self are balanced with the need to connect with others. Love or money? No. Love and money. Body and soul.  Earthly needs and heavenly aspirations meeting together, in the middle.</p>
<p>Find the And. There really never is an either/or. Don’t pick. Blend.</p>
<p>For love and money,</p>
<p><em>GoodWitch</em></p>
<p><em> </em>==</p>
<p>Dear Undecided Voter,</p>
<p>Clearly, there isn’t a universally right or wrong answer to any question, but most especially yours. All depends on <em><a href="http://humanresources.about.com/od/success/qt/values_s7.htm" target="_blank">your values</a></em>. Mill over this Love v. Money age old question your way, by assessing what you really want for yourself out of life. [Most people opt for family life, and today it’s unrealistic for most that can happen without making a living of some sort, but here I’m talking about a driving force-sort of  career:] Whether it’s a golden career ladder or warm, loving family life, know yourself first and truly helps you do no wrong…by you.</p>
<p>Knowing what you stand for is only the first step. Next, at what energy, commitment and ambition level will you perform to achieve this dream? If you can’t imagine that energy going to a family, then it looks like career mindedness might be better for you. Vice versa, if you could never imagine spending time and energy on climbing a ladder or asserting your place in the work world, then maybe you are a family-loving homebody. I hope it’s clear to you that there are other choices in this life than family or career, Undecided, but I use these most common choices to help you get to <strong>whether Love or Money?</strong></p>
<p>They are related. Knowing whether you can accept money (ostensibly, only) in your family or career life will show you a picture of life like that. Conversely, seeing yourself climbing or establishing your own work ladder, and then having only one or the other choice can be a very eye-opening picture. I’m talking power dynamics. See: Values.</p>
<p>Lastly (this rant also related!), if I’ve said it 100 times, I’ll say it once more here: “Having it all” is a myth, and while it was meant to free and give women more possibilities, buying into it has only served to make more (than the already naturally inclined) women put others first and themselves last (if ever) by only ending up having to <em>do</em> it all — which is hardly the same thing. I believe we “have” what we chose (mindfully or not), and the rest is compromise(d). Prioritize, by knowing yourself and upholding and <a href="http://self-awareness.suite101.com/article.cfm/a_personal_code_of_values" target="_blank">living out your values</a>, is the best way to less compromise and more content <em>happiness</em> with whatever life you choose and work to accomplish…<em>faster</em>.</p>
<p>Valu(able) &amp; love(able) you,</p>
<p><em>BadWitch</em></p>
<p>==</p>
<p><strong><em>Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals. </em></strong></p>
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