Tag Archives: purpose

The Real Clash: Stay or Should I Go?

Posted on March 21, 2011 | Leave a comment

Burn outs are kinda cool in a hot rod. Not so much on the job. How to stay cooler.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — …career of 12 years…What constitutes “burn out”? How do you know if you are actually burned out and it would be wise to find a new course to pursue, or whether you just need a long vacation, and should stay put in the industry you spent so much time developing skills, contacts and your reputation in? — Path Trekker

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Dear Path Trekker,

Check out what we told Miller Time about his job exhaustion.

As for what constitutes “job burn out,” as usual, I suggest you do review columns. This time, list all the things that first ignited, attracted and fueled you to and on your job. Second column, quickly jot all the things that frustrate you on the job and about your workplace. I’d rather you list emotions/feelings elicited than nit picky line items like “broken water cooler,” which may or may not translate as “dehydrated, listless and angry.” Half joking. Cross-check the two columns. This one is more a highly subjective look-see between the two columns to see which is: larger/longer, which items may be completely negated by something in the other column, and overall how each column makes you feel. Do this exercise again same time for the next four weeks. See if recognizing and shifting what you can has changed anything for you. Own what’s yours, weigh what you can’t control against your overall life needs and peace.

Meanwhile, a well-deserved, fun-filled (whatever that means to you) vacation away from the office is always a rejuvenating, reenergizing treat our culture doesn’t take as seriously as it should. Go expedia.com, orbitz.com, or Travelocity.com (among others) — do a staycation — but go forward, Path Trekker!

Stop and smell the rose essential oil,

BadWitch

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Dear Path Trekker,

Follow the tickle. The question is what inspires you and leads you t wan to spend your time in the activity.

The truth is whatever you choose to do will, no doubt, use some of the very skills and contacts you have honed over all these years. Though, you may decide the field you are in no longer serves, skills are transferable.

To start, yes, schedule a vacation. Give yourself time from the pressures of everyday to get a read on whether you enjoy the duties and opportunities available to you in your everyday career. Then it’s time you play Blue Sky/

What would you do if there were no limits? If money, security, social pressure and guilt were taken out of the work/life/career equation, what would you do with your time for work, fun, joy?

The questions to such answers may be unrealistic when normal life circumstances are applied, but it will start to point you in the right direction. You will see more clearly where your interest lie.

The key is to rest up and give yourself the time and space to figure out how you feel and what you want.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Bored Games: There’s an App for That, Baby!

Posted on January 20, 2011 | 2 Comments

Had your fill of daytime TV and gaming? Read every rag in the house back-to-front and back again and…still yearn for more entertainment? Making a break from your own boredom.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I broke my leg really bad. …and now the cast will have to stay on another 3-4 weeks… I’m so bored not being able to leave the house much, or have a lot of trouble when I do, and my housemate doesn’t come home til 7 or 8 and I think I might be driving her crazy entertaining me.. …do you have any suggestions? — Bored Castmate

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Dear Bored Castmate,

You’re right. Your roomie is not Julie, your Love Boat Social Director. Your relationship will benefit (and likely thrive) from you not expecting her to take care of your boredom. No need to break another thing in that house.

Look at this “break” as a metaphor for a much-needed break in your routine of automatic sameness. You will likely benefit to stop trying to be “entertained” perpetually and instead look to see what “work” you need to do for yourself. It may start by taking the mundane and meditative route of basic housecleaning. In that mindlessness, you might stir up some real dust and uncover a long-forgotten dream or passion. Entertain your own dang self, Bored Castmate. Start working on identifying your truest desires, towards fulfilling them — now that’s entertainment! Get to work on truly coming Home, Tom Hanks.

Castaway,

BadWitch

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Dear Bored Castmate,

Another 3-4 weeks! It’s not a death sentence. I completely understand your disappointment, however, seems more important to let you leg heal properly than worry about being shuttled around.

To start, you’ve got a broken leg, you’re not a shut-in. Yes, hiking, marathon running are all out right now. But movies are totally doable, as are restaurant lunch and dinners. Even a trip to a friend’s house or having friends over can make a difference. If you feel like a shut-in, it’s because you are acting like one.

Sure, maybe you can’t drive with that leg. Call a cab or ask friends to give you rides and sweep across the backseat. Who cares? It’s the room you need. Go slow in and out with your crutches and ask to be dropped off right in front. You can make it. Probably no harder than figuring out how to walk across a newly waxed floor in your first pair of stilettos. Take a deep breath, buck up your courage and decide it’s time to live your life—whether hampered by a broken leg or not.

I remember when my sister broke her knee and required surgery and to hang around with an ankle to hip brace for an entire summer. You know, she couldn’t drive. We lived in the ‘burbs of the Bronx and all of life happened in Manhattan. You know, I don’t remember how she got around, but I do remember that being one of the most fun summers of our lives. Sure, we stayed home more, but we had friends and family visit from out of town. We went to dinner. We went to the movies. We lived.

How do you do it? Decide to be happy now. Then do what you need to do to make it happen.

Happy travels,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Is Your Intention Aligned Your Actions? (BW)

Posted on January 11, 2011 | 1 Comment

Intentions are everything (as in “it’s all about the intention”), but when our intentions are not aligned with the rest of our lives, it’s because the intention is lacking or missing one’s purpose. Your intention has no real meaning to you at a deeper level. … Ok, so say now you’ve got meaning behind your intention, but life is also cyclical. The personal evolution tool that is our intention must then be reexamined and updated from time to time, to best match our overall life purpose for maximum effectiveness and alignment. Oprah’s ending her successful 25 year megashow to launch a network that can support others helping even more people, is a good example of her Intention supporting her Purpose and in alignment with what she is doing.

How do you even know when you are in alignment between intention and how you live? What have you done to correct this in the past, or currently?  — BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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You: Accidental Tourist or Purpose Driven?

Posted on January 3, 2011 | 1 Comment

Everyone talks about Mission Statements and “purpose driven lives” like they’re air and water. Not everyone operates that way, especially if they don’t know what they are. Are you on Purpose?  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I have a dumb question. I always hear everyone talk about “purpose.” What is that? I mean I know what “on purpose” and the word means, but what’s everyone talking about exactly? Doesn’t everyone have a purpose? Why is it so hard then?  — Deliberace

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Dear Deliberace,

That’s a great question! Purpose is important in living one’s most vital life. Purpose is the energy to life as the right octane fuel is to a car. “Gasoline with too low an octane rating converts fuel to heat rather than power, making for less efficient fuel usage and reduced engine life.” Without the right octane, you have a vehicle that, as finely tuned a driving machine as it might possibly even be, will knock and ping instead of soaring down the road, and may even ruin its vehicle instead of energizing it.

Purpose is meaning. It is the WHY of the WHAT you do and fuels the HOW you do it. If all this is foreign to you, keep looking for your purpose by asking question after question. Good questions are the way to self-discovery and ultimately, sustainable confidence of living true to your self.

A higher octane form of the basic Who am I? or Why am I Here?-type questions might be: “How can I be of assistance?” “How can I give more love to those I want to give it to?” (etc.!) and then proceeds to answer those questions by living in eternal questioning and openness mode to others, is living a life of purpose. Our To Do and (externally) success-oriented culture can sometimes confuse good solid citizens that they may “not have a purpose” when it is more likely a case of asking better life QUESTions. As for “why is it difficult?” – just keep asking questions — all your life long.

Fill ‘er up with high octane purpose,

BadWitch

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Dear Deliberace,

If you know what “on purpose” means, apply the definition to living your life and you get your answer. Living “on purpose” is living with your heart fully engaged. Some people know from almost their first breath that they want to be a mother, a nurse, a doctor, an astronaut—whatever. That is their purpose. Schooling, career path and extra curricular activities are all focused on moving closer to fulfilling that purpose.

Now, not everyone knows their purpose from the beginning. Remember John Travolta’s character in “Get Shorty”? When asked about why he wants to be involved in the movies when he has a thriving career as a loan shark he says, “Yeah, but I was never that into it.” To have purpose is to be doing work that fulfills you on a soul level. The work is still hard, but somehow you know you are doing what you are suppose to be doing. One way to tell? You get more energy out of doing work on purpose. You get happy, focused and invigorated when you are working at your purpose..

What do you want to do with your life. What activities make you happy, leave you feeling fulfilled and on the right track? Writing? Art? Caretaking? Maybe playing music? Find what makes your heart sing. My guess is you already know. If you are too scared to try, just remember living with regret is really no less scary than trying. Take a class. Take your first steps and do your best. It’s your life.

Live it,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Trapped! Horrible Job, No Hope

Posted on September 20, 2010 | 91 Comments

Life can be hard enough without feeling like you’re cornered with no options to a job you can’t stand. How to stop waiting for rescue and take charge.      — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I’m underemployed. I hate my work but feel trapped. Bills and my laid off husband make me feel I have no alternatives again. When’s it my turn? — Frustrated  End of Liner

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Dear Frustrated End of Liner,

No doubt about it, these are weird at best, trying times at worst. Personally right now, I don’t know anyone who has or is not undergoing some sort of “trial” at whatever level his/her life (might) need it. I’m saying, I think these are learning times. Other times are doing times. Right now, our broken status quo is in need of a severe and meaningful make-over. Whether we are mostly happy (by nature) or not, the situations, people, circumstances that face each of us today seem, to me, to be laying the foundation of opportunity for some change(s) that are fundamentally different, and hugely paradigm shifting.

Now as for your question, Frustrated, go talk to your husband and make sure he knows in no uncertain terms that you feel trapped with no alternative today because your family (like all of us) has bills. Stuffing is for turkeys, and misdirected anger is passive-aggressive. Make sure you don’t use blaming (of him, timing, circumstances) language, and own your own (frustrated, and the dashed hope ones, too) feelings in this conversation . When you’ve finished expressing your feelings (not to be confused with  actual facts) clearly and non-judgmentally, give him his turn with no interruption. If your marriage is a partnership, I’m sure he is looking for new work and unhappy about this personal or familial situ, too — something in common. You’re in this together. You chose partnership. Let him be your partner in your frustration. Be his champion in his job search. Make individaual and team goals with deadlines for related tasks together. Show your kids what you want them to know “family” means in tough times and in the best times when it’s easy breezy and a no-brainer.

Move the chains,

BadWitch

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Dear Frustrated End of the Liner,

Don’t give up hope! Today’s trials are preparing you for the next turn in the road. Face them with a determination to create a better life and the diligence to work hard for what you want. In the end, you may very well find yourself with opportunities for that better life.

I could write a whole lot more on the subject. After all, I spent three years under-employed, as a single mother, worrying how to make it all happen (rent, clothes, school supplies, and even gas in the car). But I kept trying. I kept looking for opportunities—taking any possible freelance gig that came my way and sending out resumes non-stop. Eventually, my world turned. All my hard work prepared me for a new full time job, a few freelance gigs on the side and, of course, my own business (StillSitting). Now, my task is to decide on priorities and turn away the gigs that do not move me further down my path.

Maybe I showed the Universe through my diligence and willingness that I was ready for the next stage of my life. After all, my diligence led me to the off-hand Facebook post which eventually led to the full time job I have now with the Owning Pink Center, doing what I love with like minded people.

Am I saying everything will work out, guaranteed? No. Am I saying stop worrying? No. I’m saying life will throw you curve balls on a regular basis and it is how you face those hard times that define you. Do your best and the opportunities will come because other people will see you trying. And people always want to help someone trying to help themselves.

Take a little break, plan your path and then jump back in. Your turn is coming.

MANTRA: As I work hard to create the future I want, I show the Universe that I am willing and ready. It is only a matter of time before I succeed.

Good luck and good work,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Career Change? Dreaming of Vision

Posted on September 13, 2010 | 6 Comments

Is there life after achieving the perfect job? When your Big Dream is in need of some clarity.      — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Ten years ago I landed my dream job and I’m still amazing at it. My problem is I am completely bored with nowhere to go. I don’t want partnership. Should I quit and go “find myself”? I’m 46. — I Dream of Meaning

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Dear I Dream of Meaning,

Darlin’, hands down, one of the biggest mistakes we tend to make in this country is confusing “climbing” (or promotion) with “success.” Check Webster’s. Get clear. Get over it. Congratulations!, as I see it you’re truly wealthy because you have two issues here: 1) If you’re genuinely brilliant at something, that is a gift. Either embrace that sucker and thank your lucky stars and goddesses then find (go to “C” in that Webster’s and (re-)define “creative” for yourself) a NEW! and Improved! Way(s) to express your brilliance within this skill set; and/or 2) recognize that you are probably in reassessment mode, and this midlife point doesn’t need to be a “crisis” unless you squash and repress it, or buy into your own “boredom” and self-vampirically drain your energy which is highly unattractive and actually boring (for the rest of us to watch). Don’t divert or sublimate. Know what you really need and then serve yourself pronto and consistently.

Life is cyclical. Can’t you see yourself refreshing your work brilliance with new infusions of Ways to Do Things (I just finally! Taught myself how to tie my shoelaces right-handed, making for a prettier and actually more comfortable to wear bow. Expand on my meaning for your situ, muffin) and simultaneously making lists about what no longer serves you right next to what is still fabulous and soul-feeding about your job? Then take those columns and apply them to the next logical step for this age-stage of your adventure! It ain’t over yet.

Go forth, explorer,

BadWitch

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Dear I Dream of Meaning,

I am all for expanding and finding yourself; however, throwing the baby out with the bath water is no way to move forward effectively. Quitting the job you loved may be an alternative, but give yourself the room to explore before giving up your contacts, paycheck and livelihood.

You have been lucky enough to find your dream job, be amazing at it and enjoy it for ten years. Now, it is time to explore what else excites you. Branch out and rediscover your sense of excitement. Is there some hobby you’ve been interested in taking up? Is there some other work that correlates with your current position that seems interesting to you? Chances are the path you are seeking has left some hints in the things that already interest you.

Finding your new path does not mean trashing the old. For instance, I have recently made a career switch from more than 15 years of marketing which led all the way to the Director of Marketing position. But all the time, I had been following a tickle that led me into the world of alternative and complementary medicine. Over the years, my interest led to certifications, deep research and practice. Eventually, I would walk into the world of wellness, but not without relying on the tools I had refined through my years of marketing.

In other words, follow your tickle, while you continue to analyze what you still love about your current career. You may find yourself in some unlikely exploits, but it will be worth the journey. And when you are ready to leave your current position, you’ll know. It won’t feel like a jump, but the next logical step.

Enjoy the journey,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Hard Worker, Tired! “I want to quit…”

Posted on June 28, 2010 | 7 Comments

Where do Masters of the Universe go to vacay? Can chillaxing, dropping out for a while, be productive?    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I want to quit my job and go live on the beach somewhere. What is wrong with me?! I’m usually this super achiever. I’m 36.   — Miller Time

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Dear Miller Time,

Silly Wabbit! You’re more concerned about your identity and how you and others view that than anything — because pretty much no one who’s ever worked a real J-O-B  worries about wanting to chill out. Here’s my mind at work, images automatically generated by your question: the Wheel of Life, that morphed into Charleton Heston as slave being whipped while turning that big stone wheel, that morphed into a Corona beer commercial.

And that’s it, isn’t it? On the wheel of life, sometimes we’re up, sometimes we’re down. When we get burned out or just had enough of the grind, we just want to give it all up and go lie on a beach with a beer. I gotcha. It ain’t brain surgery.

Don’t worry about being less go-getting for a period of time. This is you regrouping and probably long overdue for battery recharging. For good credit ratings sake, put a deadline on your R&R, then bring your usual super achiever to that task and enjoy the heck out of your down time, then see what comes up (or out of) for you. 36 is a typical age to start midlife reassessment — if you honor your instincts on this, you can avoid it turning into a worn out stereotypical “crisis.”

Cheers!

BadWitch

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Dear Miller Time,

It sounds like you need a retreat. Maybe you are ready for a full life overhaul or maybe your “super-achiever” just needs a time out. Before you throw in the towel, try some of the following replenishing exercises to recharge.

1. Take a hot bath with bath salts—either Epsom or Seas Salt. Mix in a few drops of essential oils. For stress add: lavender, palmarosa and/or chamomile. For nurturing self love: rose, rose geranium and/or spikenard. Find the combination that makes you want to breathe deeply again and again. Now, soak.

2. Go for a long walk in nature. A walk in the woods can refresh and re-energize. It allows for a mental get-away with a little endorphin-producing exercise on the side.

3. Take a nap. You’d be surprised at how refreshing carving out time for a nap can be. Quite often, we think napping is for kids and pseudo-nap while watching T.V. instead. Turn off the phone, the TV and the computer and take a lie down. There’s something scrumptiously recharging in giving yourself the time and space to sleep mid-afternoon. Your rested brain, body and psyche will thank you.

4. Take a weekend retreat. Whether you run off to camp in the woods for a couple of days or find a hot spring to soak away your worries, there is something incredibly resting about just getting away. You can find meditation retreats, writing workshops or even mini-dance camps that can help you get back into your groove.

5. Schedule a massage or acupressure appointment. There are few things as renewing as having a trained professional work out all your knots and kinks. If your practitioner also does energy work—BONUS! Let them help you relax, release and recharge. Again your brain, body and psyche will thank you for it.

6. Read a book. Most of us don’t take the time to cuddle into a comfy chair with a book, but allowing yourself the time nd space to sink into another world is incredibly recharging. Part is the allowance of time to “do nothing but read a book.” But the other part is the flexing of your imagination, which always help recharge your energy stores.

7. Create. Make a painting, write for no purpose at all except to express yourself or create a luscious five course meal. It doesn’t matter how you express yourself, but letting yourself out of the box of to-do’s is incredibly fulfilling and releasing on many levels. Express yourself.

If after a full recharge you still feel like you’re ready to run away and live on the beach, then it’s time to take a deeper look at what you are doing for work and how to find work that is more enlivening to your spirit. But my guess is, you just need a little, regularly scheduled “ME” time.

Enjoy,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

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Job Zombie. Daze of the Dread

Posted on June 14, 2010 | Leave a comment

Someone re-acquisitioned your red stapler. No joy for work is a heavy price in the deficit column. Reconciling the work balance sheet.    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — What happened to my joy for my job? I loved it so much and now I feel like a Living Dead when I think about even going in the next day. What can I do? — Living Dead

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Dear Living Dead,

Oh, Kermit, even your green puppet evolution had a lot of stages, changes and faces to it. Sometimes life’s hills are alive with the sound of music, other times like you called it…it’s a George Romero flick. Like getting more out of the entertainment/movie-going experience by expanding the types of genres we enjoy, expand your allowance of your own cycles (made up of (I hope) short-term moods, but also of growth stages that can take months to years to explore). Allowance and self-permission of this sort includes patience and fluidity. Go with your own flow more easily by realizing this by listening to your kinetic compass, your body’s wisdom.

Finally, one of the biggest afflictions we suffer in this country is our tendency to identify ourselves by our job functions or titles. If this is you, jot up two lists of adjectives that fully describe you (not your accomplishments) — one list should describe your work skills, weaknesses and smarts, the other list expresses your personal fabulosity and failings as a human friend/partner/child/ parent/individual. Separately review the lists before comparing them, distinguish your full life from your work life. If this is very difficult or impossible for you, then that’s the job you should focus on bringing more joy to. Where is your joy and peace? Which adjectives enliven you, which ones sap your energy? Despite its appearance, your question is far less about career counseling than a personal one. Trust my 20 years professional knowledge on that.

Work to live,

BadWitch

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Dear Living Dead,

In the immortal words of Tom Robbins (Jitterbug Perfume), “Lighten Up!“ Before you start singing The Thrill Is Gone, let’s lighten up all the heaviness surrounding your job. If you used to love it, one of 3 possible things have happened: 1. You out-grew the work and are ready for more challenge, 2. interpersonal relationships and/or power dynamic has gotten out of control, or 3. you’ve lost your mojo.

First things first, let’s take the extra charge off your thoughts and memories around work. Then , start a gratitude practice, specifically about your work situation. Sure the list may start off with “it’s a paycheck,” but you’ve gotta start somewhere. Remember the people you’ve enjoyed working with and the projects that got you fired up.

Next, clean out the energy in your workspace. If there are unresolved conflicts, this exercise will not only help you feel more balanced, but also help open communication. Close your eyes and picture your workspace. Picture a huge vent from the Universe coming into the top of the building, opening into your office. Now imagine a grounding cord from the floor of your office reaching and connecting into the center of the earth. Imagine a pink light or energy with gold flecks washing coming from the Universe washing the office. This is the energy of compassion. Allow it to cleanse the workspace and watch any negative energy flow down the grounding cord to be recycled at the center of the earth.  Do this energy washing daily. It will help you feel more centered and balanced about going to the job.

Now, make a plan. If the issue is #1, it’s time to reevaluate the opportunities at your job—or elsewhere. If it’s #2, figure out how to communicate what you are feeling and share those thoughts in a non-defensive or argumentative tone so that your feelings can be expressed and received. If the answer is #3, well, figure out how you can assist your mood with nutrition, exercise and self-expression.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Image, 20th Century Fox

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

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Have Fun, Build Credit on a Budget?

Posted on January 18, 2010 | Leave a comment

How do you get started or maintain good credit these days? Can you live it up and still live by your means?   — BadWitch

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day – stockmarket closed.

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — How can I stay safe and sane on the money front? I’ve got a good paying, crappy full-time job (but will have to give it up for a slightly lower paying entry level one in my field, if I can get one!), am graduating college this spring, and other than my student loan, believe it or not I have very little credit card debt (around $3500) that I pay more than the minimums on. I want to stay conservative but not totally have no life. Thanks.  — Green Grad

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Dear Green Grad,

Wow, feeling a little down about where you are now and where you want to be going, huh. This is no way to start off a whole, new section of your life.  I get being realistic about your possibilities in this market, but your tone, frankly, sounds pessimistic about where you are now and future possibilities.

Want to get to the finish line feeling good about who you are and what you’ve achieved in life? Stop rushing to the I’m-suppose-to-achieve-by-the-time-I’m-30 finish line. Appreciate where you are now and enjoy it, then it easier to plot your way forward.

Reality check. In this economy, no job that feeds your belly and keeps you with a roof over your head is a “crappy” job? I know a Ph.D. currently working in a bookstore and glad for the paycheck. Our culture has been blinded since Archie Bunker’s plaid working-class and JJ’s “dy-no-mite” housing projects lifestyles were replaced by Dynasty’s big shoulder, designer labels. Life is not what you do for a living or what you spend your money on. Focus on finding the positives wherever you can find them. There’s no finish line. Life is a series of connected moments. Make the most of each one.

Now, with this new half-full outlook, realizing how lucky you are: no kids, supporting only yourself and with a viable income and young and cheap enough for employers in your field to want to hire you. Nice. So, how about your wallet?

1. Pay Yourself First. Every check, put 10%-15% into savings immediately. That way you build up more (pick one: freedom, stability, money, choices) for yourself with every check you collect from this current job and have more of a cushion to open up choices for the next step in your career.

2. Buy According to What You Need, Not What Will Impress Someone Else. Listen, if the only way you can get someone to be interested in you is to have the right phone, the right car, the right shoes—GET RID OF THEM. Make buying choices based on making yourself happy—not in the moment—but in the long run. If you love the expensive shoes and will wear them happily and comfortably for the next 2 years, that’s a good investment. If the Jimmy Choo shoes are uncomfortable, but cute and will wind up under the bed, but so-and-so will choke on there sushi when they see…bad investment. Those shoes will limit your spending choices moving forward. (Substitute any possible consumer good for Jimmy Choo example.)

Still need more money management ideas? Check out these earlier GWBW posts. They say downsizing, which means how you balance having money, having stuff and having a life.

Happy Trails,

GoodWitch

==

Dear Green Grad,

Props on being aware and diligent about your own credit worthiness and financial health! Everything in it is a metaphor for the state of our life; our finances mirror our general emotional and practical wellbeing. All things are connected, so if you become more and more responsible and alert through action — which isn’t synonymous with a gloom and doom existence! — it becomes very hard to not reflect that ease and grace more so in most parts of your life.

We’re not financial specialists so consult the appropriate professionals if your situation now or comes to require it. Otherwise, I recommend the classic rules of personal money management: pay yourself first (designate a percentage of each paycheck to your savings before all other commitments), pay off your debts (assuming finance rates charged you are higher than the rates of return on your investments. This will help raise your credit score, and (free) check your three credit scores the beginning of every year for general info as well as correcting any possible inaccuracies over the year), and despite what my hero Oscar Wilde said (shows no imagination..ha ha!) by all means live within your means. The latter is the bane of many people’s financial life.

Don’t assume but definitely account for that lower starting salary in your field you’re anticipating. First do the research to find out specifically what that means in dollars and cents, and adjust your monthly nut accordingly by that percentage drop now. But…you can live well by living smart; create small term goals for your finances like for vacation, school books, monthly entertainment budget — and stick to them coming (saving) and going (spending). A friend was successful with my suggestion to teach her kids about the value of taxes by having them put a small set percentage of their allowance into the House Tax, which ends up funding family pizza and movie night, or similar. Adapt this plan for your own lifestyle expenditures and make sure you stick to it for maximum enjoyment!

We get more out of life when we know (self-examine) more about our life. This includes understanding well our personal priorities (Bill Gates was known to regularly refuse the Presidential suites automatically held for him, but gathered a partner to buyout the Four Seasons Hotels, Inc.) — I advised another recent college grad not to get used to a lifestyle she’d have to make career decisions to support, but make choices to support building her career (her priority then) with ease and flexibility. Now she’s a happy careerist homeowner.

Budgeting and spending don’t have to be painful experiences, or negative words when we see the Big Picture. And this is how our lives begin to look better, we feel more in control and go from stressed survival to thriving and fully living.

Save & live for yourself,

BadWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

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Not Your Daddy’s ‘Mad Men’: Working Mom, House Husband

Posted on December 22, 2009 | 20 Comments

New American Family v.3.5: mama brings home the bacon, daddy fries it up in a pan, and he never, never forgets he’s his own man. Nice upgrade!  — BadWitch P.S. Happy holidays, lovely readers! We’ll see you back here Monday.


Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My wife loves her job, is very successful and I’m a stay-at-home-dad while I’m figuring out what I want to do next with my own career. My guy friends seem to be telling me to hurry up so I don’t lose my manly edge, do you agree? — Manly Dad

==

Dear Manly Dad,

Hey, Mr, Man, are your “guy friends” married, otherwise, what do their relationships look like? If your wife is happy on the home and work front, your family is rolling down the road smoothly with you at that helm from “9-to-5” (yeah right!) then I hope you won’t rush your search at the expense of another valuable experience you might not be able to get back — especially based on advice of those who may not practice what they preach.

I commend you for being uber-manly and supporting your wife’s success without any seeming issues there. Your kids and you will benefit from getting to know each other in a way not always afforded fathers and their children. If you’re genuinely happy about your role and decision to put your family first in all the ways that’s possible to you, I thank you in advance for our society at large! Last but definitely not least, I’m thrilled you’re taking time to explore and develop your own ideas about what career will serve you best. Your guy friends in question must not be doing work they love, or they’d know there’s no hurrying up this process to good effect. Get to know yourself — you’ll be a better husband, father and careerist in the long run for doing that work!

As for that “losing your manly edge” warning your seemingly insecure, scurrying friends brandish, a Real Man will always have an edge even if he were the Michelin Man on the outside.

Man up, be fully you,

BadWitch

==

Dear Manly Dad,

In this economy rushing is NOT the right answer. If you are stepping back out into job market—this job market—you need to take the time to really decide where and how you want to step back in. So, no, don’t rush because your boys are threatened by this new definition of “manly” you are presenting them with.

In truth, the job of staying at home with kids is nothing to sneeze at. You are honing patience, multitasking and creativity skills on an hourly basis. You are learning how to work your audience to excite, to quiet, to inspire. And though this may not seem like much, lemme tell you, those new skills are SUPER important in the working world. It’s called PR/marketing training with a little sensitivity thrown in. Clients, coworkers and, yes, bosses, will eat it up. If you jump into sales, oh yes, these are great skills to have.

The fact that your kid(s) have you at home when Mom is working full time, is a blessing. Also for you, already having a working budget with you able to take the time to decide how you will re-enter the job market—huge blessing. Take this time and use it wisely. Work with a coach. Take some time to really decide what you want to do with your career. This time is a blessing. Wring out every ounce of the gift. Then, when yu are truly ready, you’ll be well-prepared for the next stage of your career.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Image, Dr. Timothy A. Pychyl

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

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